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Steven D. Brewer's blog

Bit Rot and Search Engines

It's sad when you go to look for something you read once and discover that it's not there anymore. And not just not *there*, but unfindable. We've gotten spoiled by the idea that you can just go to Google and find anything, but it's not true anymore.

It was never really true. But there were grand ideas when the web was being created that URLs would persist and that soon all information would be digital and immediately at your fingertips. I remember an ad with the slogan "Everything new is digital and everything old is being digitized." Or this ad that said "all rooms have every movie ever made in any language anytime, day or night." Or Google's project to scan every book ever printed and make available a vast library of human knowledge.

Instead, much of the early internet has quietly withered away. Some of it can be tracked down at the Wayback Machine. If you have the time and patience. But the effort of carrying forward old internet content is non-zero and there's always pressure to focus on new content.

I remember a presentation at ContactCon where a guy was describing a pattern language for internet content. I found his talk somewhat incoherent at the time, but more easily recognize now what he was talking about. Rather than having a bunch of systems for styling and presenting information, we would do better focusing on tagging and relating content. It shouldn't matter as much whether you're posting an article or a comment, or posting it here or there. Let writers write and curators curate.

The most discouraging aspect is how Google now doesn't even bother to return results about vast swaths of the internet. Take this page for instance. OK. You can certainly argue that it's not a very important page. But this page used to appear in Google search results. And it doesn't anymore. Google does index some pages at "' which includes links to that page. But Google has evidently decided it's not worth maintaining links to less interesting or important content. And that bodes ill.

It's not a "search engine" anymore if it's making decisions about what to include and what not to include. But that's where we're at. The Internet Genie has been stuffed back in the bottle and we're left with just a few giant corporations being the gatekeepers to all human knowledge.

Artisan's Asylum

On Saturday, I drove to Somerville to meet up with Don Blair, a former student/staff member who was offering a presentation as part of Somerville 2069: Imagine Somerville, billed as an "interactive tour of the future" at a local elementary school. Don had been persuaded to demonstrate a "robot" and talk about emerging manufacturing techniques. He brought a Morphorn CNC (or similar) and set it up to show students an example of applied robotics.

It's an inexpensive, nifty little device that Don has used to make prototype circuit boards: you can quickly and easily route out traces on copper-clad boards.

The other tables in the display were not particularly interesting, although I did appreciate the Gentrification Obelisk:

Gentrification Obelisk: a testament to those who had to move away from Somerville.

— Steven D. BREWER (@limako) October 26, 2019

Afterwards, we visited Aeronaut Brewing where I tried a flight of their IPAs. It was busy, but the bartender I got was cheerful and very knowledgeable. She helped me figure out what to try and promptly got me filled up. No surprises: I liked "Louie", the American Imperial IPA, the best. The others were fine, but that one was really very good.

Just down the street from Aeronaut is Artisan's Asylum, a giant makerspace. People rent space for a "stall" and then gain access to various "shops" with tools for woodworking, laser and plasma cutting, welding, electronics, fiber arts, etc. A big part of the attraction is the focus on community and they have a nice spot in the middle with lots of comfortably-worn furniture where you can hang out and chat with interesting folks.

One thing I hadn't really thought about a makerspace was to envision it like a home-away-from-home workshop. For both young people without settled means and for older people downsizing, having a place for a workshop is really useful. And, of course, everyone could benefit from being engaged with a supportive community.

It was a long day of driving, but time well spent.


Writing energy

I used to devote a significant amount of writing energy to maintain a blog, but over the past half-year almost all of my writing energy has been focused in other directions. I've been writing a lot — just for other stuff which I mostly haven't posted publically. I wrote an application for my Senior Lecturer Professional Improvement Fellowship. I wrote a long letter when I resigned from the Board of Amherst Media. I taught two classes over the summer and wrote a lot as part of that. I wrote a pre-proposal for a grant. I'm writing up the leafminer work we did. I'm writing a proposal for my course-based honors thesis class. And, of course, these days I do a lot of microblogging (using twitter) that, in the past, I would have probably devoted to blog writing.

I've also started sharing some Research Notes via Public Lab. Over the next few weeks, I'll need to make the transition to writing full-time for my new course development project. But, hopefully, much of it I can share publicly.

I also want to write some new fiction. I still have several stories I've written, but never made enough effort to get published anywhere. But writing is its own reward, even if you never get stuff published. The opportunity to be reflective, explore your own thinking, and try out ideas is always valuable.

At the same time, part of me is afraid that my lack of writing here is due to reduced ability to be productive. I don't know if I'm slowing down or if my standards are just higher. But I don't seem to be able to organize myself to work on as many things as I used to.  I tell myself that work has simply become more demanding: I used to have more slack than I used to. But maybe that's just an illusion.

Still, I'm looking forward to my professional improvement leave with a mix of excitement and terror. It will be amazing to switch gears and take on a new, significant project. But terrifying too: I have a huge number of hurdles to overcome to successfully pull this off.

UMass Reconstruction of Lincoln and North Apartments

I asked a question during question time at the Sept 12, 2019 Faculty Senate meeting about the proposed reconstruction of Lincoln and North Apartments

The University recently announced proposed replacement of the Lincoln and North Apartments with new housing stock to be constructed via a public/private partnership. Some are expressing concerns about how these new housing units will be managed. In particular, (1) Who will make decisions about the management of this housing? UMass or a private partner? (2) Will these units continue to be available principally only to UMass students? Or will they be available to other members of the community, potentially displacing students into the local rental market? (3) Will there continue to be the same balance of one- and two-bedroom apartments? Or, as some reports suggested, a shift toward two-bedroom only? Finally, (4) what concrete steps are the University taking to assure that students, especially those with the greatest financial need, will continue to be able to secure suitable housing, both during the construction process and beyond?

The questions were answered by John Kennedy and Swamy, with the clarification that Andy Mangels (absent) would probably be the best to answer these questions. Below is my effort to capture the sense of their reponses, although eventually the minutes will be posted and a transcript will be available.

Many of the details will be worked out during the bid process: the campus will be considering bids that may have more or less management included as part of the overall bid.

The units will be for a mix of graduate and undergraduate units at Lincoln and the North apartments will be for graduate student families. It's not anticipated that the housing would be made available more widely.

The graduate student senate is involved in the planning for the redesign of these units in order to strike an appropriate balance between 1 and 2 bedroom apartments to meet current needs.

The university is in conversation with landlords in North Amherst to find appropriate placements for families displaced from the North Apartments, at the same rent, such that children will not have to change schools.


Comments about College Closures

On July 26, Carlos E. Santiago, the Commissioner of Higher Education spoke about new proposed regulations to respond to college closures in Massachusetts. These regulations are aimed at giving the Department of Higher Education more information and tools to deal with colleges at risk of closing, primarily to mitigate the impacts on students. Many of the comments were about preventing closures or recognizing the the broader impacts on the community.

There's a good showing for the #collegeclosures presentation: a full room, three college presidents, and good representation from town leadership.

— Steven D. BREWER (@limako) July 26, 2019

I offered the following comments.

Hi. My name is Steve Brewer. I'm a faculty member at UMass Amherst. I also wanted to thank the Department because the Department of Higher Ed is funding the "Bridges" program that I'm teaching in this summer which is taking students from community colleges that are transitioning to the university and providing them with a summer opportunity to be on the University first hand, learn about it, and then transition to begin as students in the fall.

I'm reminded in the conversation today of the parable, that I'm sure most of you have heard, that you see babies floating down the river. We've seen 18 babies floating down the river, and so we're trying to figure out, how can we rescue these babies? Can we pull them out of the water with nets and resuscitate them and do all the things to see if the babies are going to die or not. And, of course, the question we really ought to be asking is why don't we go upriver and see what's throwing the babies into the water. I  mean, that's, THAT'S the real problem.

We're looking here at how to rescue institutions rather than thinking about what's causing the institutions to become unstable in the first place. And saying "demographics" is, of course, one part of it.   But there are a lot of other pieces that fit into that as well: the fact that we've systematically disinvested in higher education and that inequality is causing people to postpone or not engage in child-rearing at all. There are a whole bunch of factors that are resulting in the decline of higher ed.

And we recognize that your part is to sit there with a net and pull babies out of the water and that's what these regulations are about. But I think all of us need to think about the political advocacy we need to engage in. And, of course, we have the right people here (pointing at Mindy Domb and Jo Comerford) that are fighting that fight on the front lines. But to try to save higher education altogether.

You can also watch the full video.

Writing in Biology: Fourth Class

By this class, students should have completed their figure, written their methods, and had their methods followed. Usually only about 50 percent are actually there, but they're coming along.

The main purpose of this class, is to practice comparing the two figures, separating observations from inferences, and organizing RESULTS and DISCUSSION sections. For this purpose, I have collected together many examples of figures from previous semesters that they can practice on.

I've looked for a long time for an accessible reading for students to discuss the idea that observation and inference are inextricably linked. I've used an article by Fodor which was OK, but too high level. And several other things that were contextualized, but the context was too distracting. There was a nice section in Rudwick's Great Devonian Controversy that might work, but I worry that the context will still be too distracting. Instead, for the past couple of years, I've asked students to do a pre-class activity where they provide an example of an observation and inference. This has worked pretty well to get them thinking in the right direction.

I've learned to provide a little therapy up front to students before we do the practice activity. There's nothing like suddenly discovering all of the factors you never realized to control or document. Some students panic that they need to redo their figure or rewrite their methods. So I remind them that a primary purpose of the activity is to help them learn this stuff and it's OK that they didn't know it beforehand. And that if they did, we wouldn't need to do it in the first place. But it drives home the need to actually try methods out before you use them, a lesson which I hope they carry forward to their Proposals.

For the activity, I have them start to compare the figures. I ask them to remember the Writing from Experience activity: to start out just making a list of things they notice. Many students want to jump forward to conclusions like "It's a different tree"  and I ask them to back up and indicate what they can see that allows them to draw that conclusion. I wander through the room answering questions and looking at what students are recording. Then I ask them to begin to separate observations from inferences and to identify factors or variables that were different.

I provide some scaffolding along the way. First, after making a list of observations, I encourage them to try to separate their list into observations and inferences. And to try to organize the observations into an outline that presents them systematically: I ask them to recall the narrative-to-exposition activity where we came up with categories and organized their activities using a framework other than time.  Many students default to organizing around what they noticed first. Or what was the "most noticeable" difference, so I caution against these.

I also caution against making judgments: the goal is not to assign blame or say that differences are caused by errors — or to speculate about what might have happened or would happen under different future circumstances. But rather to simply observe differences and identify factors dispassionately. This is really hard.

Eventually, I ask them to present the two figures they compared side-by-side and give a quick presentation of first, just differences, and then the factors that they identified. And then I invite the other students to find other differences they might have missed.  If the class is small enough, I encourage everyone to present, but frequently the class is large enough that there really isn't time. I try to gently point out when they're describing inferences rather than observations. Or making judgments.

As we go through, I often take a few minutes to show them how to use ImageJ to collect data about differences: to measure items and to compare colors. And to emphasize that there is an immense amount of data available in the figures.

Before the end of class, I remind them that their rough drafts are due next week and that they should come to class ready to present their findings and to take notes of any feedback from the class that they can use to improve their analysis. I point out that I will start commenting on their rough drafts as soon as the next class ends and that I can give much better and more useful feedback if their manuscript is complete and as good as they can make it.

Antaŭ Hajko: Amo, malfeliĉo, kaj tankao

Jen la prelego kiun mi ofertis ĉe la Landa Kongreso en Bostono, junio 2019. La diapozitivoj ankaŭ haveblas.

Antaŭ hajko: Amo, Malfeliĉo, kaj tankao.

Mi volas danki al Benson Smith kaj la LKK kiuj invitis min veni kaj prelegi hodiaŭ. Mi intencas mallonge priskribi japanan poezian formon kiun eble malmulte konas, nome "tankao". Mi komenciĝos je formo de poezio kiun ĉiuj jam certe konas; kaj mi eble ankaŭ diskonigos iomete pri la historio de la japana literaturo. Sed, mi intencas lasi sufiĉan tempon tiel ke ĉiuj el ni povos verki unu aŭ du tankaojn kaj legi ilin unu al la alia antaŭ ol ni finiĝos.

Antaŭ komenciĝi, tamen, bonvole lasu min agnoski ke nia prelego okazas sur la ne cedita tereno de la indiĝena Masaĉuseca popolo kies nomon la komunumo elproprietigis. Mi volas ke ni memoru la perforton kiun tiuj homoj suferis kaj dediĉu nin al la diskonigo de tiu vero.

Hajko estas tre konata poezia formo nuntempe. Onidire. Jen traduko de ŝerc-hajko kiun oni dividas lastatempe per la interreto.

hajkoj facilas
sed ne ĉiam senchavas…

Ĉiuj konas kio estas hajko ĉu ne? Oni instruas ĝin en lernejoj kaj foje oni vidas en ĵurnaloj kaj gazetoj, inviton konkurenci pri hajkoj. Oni simple kalkulu silabojn de tri linioj: 5-7-5. Kaj jen hajko.

Tio estus same senchava diri ke ĉio kio havas kvar krurojn estas poneo.

Fakte la regulojn de hajkoj estas ege striktaj. Hajko estas farita el tri partoj kun unu forta tranĉo -- do, du partoj restu kunaj kaj unu estu aparta. Kutime tiu tranĉo ankaŭ indiku ŝanĝon de vidpunkto. Hajko devas iel indiki la sezonon (kaj estus ege banala simple diri la sezonon). Kaj hajko super ĉio estu nur pri la naturo. Kaj nur priskribo, precipe de la sensoj, sen juĝoj aŭ homa reago.

Lasu min momente deflankiĝi por pritrakti la ideon de "silaboj" kiel la unuo de hajkoj. En la japana, oni fakte kalkulas ne silabojn, sed "moraojn". Moraoj estas unuoj de la longeco aŭ pezo de la sonoj en silaboj kaj foje silaboj povas havi pli ol unu moraon. Ekzemple la aldono de "ん" en la japana povas aldoni moraon.

Kiam oni verkas hajkojn en la angla, se vi kalkulas 5-7-5 silabojn, la hajko kutime enhavos pli da informo ol en la japana, ĉar la angla estas pli inform-riĉa lingvo. Do ofte en la angla, poetoj celas malpli ol 5-7-5 silabojn. Laŭ mi, la japana kaj Esperanto estas similaj. Kaj mi emas kalkulas silabojn. Sed tio ne estas deviga.

Do, jen unu el miaj novaj ne eldonitaj hajkoj:

ĉe la angulo
dancante en la vento…
aceraj semoj

Mi ne diru ke ĝi estas iel perfekta, sed bonvole notu la ecojn: ĝi havas tri unuojn memstarajn; du kune kaj unu aparte per forta tranĉo kaj ŝanĝo de vidpunkto; Kaj temas la naturon, ĉu ne? Kiu estas la sezono? Kiam falas la aceraj semoj?

Kaj estas aparta vorto por ŝerc-hajkoj -- hajkoj kiuj ne estas hajkoj -- kiu estas "senrjuo". Kiam mi ekverkis hajkojn, mi ne sciis ke tio ekzistas kaj ofte verkis ŝerc-hajkon sen scii ke estas alia vorto por priskribi tion.

Mia vojaĝo al hajko komenciĝis kiam mi estis doktora studento kaj ne havis tempon por esperantumi. Mi tamen povis trovi momenton jen ie, jen tie dum la tago por verki hajkojn kaj mi interŝanĝis ilin kun mia frato. Unue, ili estis plejparte "ŝercaj hajkoj" — senrjuoj — kiel tiu ĉi:

mi serĉas ion
sed ne povas trovi ĝin…
en kuirejo

Sed iom post iom mi lernis pri la japana poezio kaj rekonis ke kelkaj el miaj hajko ja estis bonaj. Mi ankaŭ legis pri la historio de japana poezio kaj komencis pritrikti pli serioze mian laboron.

La japana poezia tradicio devenas de ĉina, aŭ "hana" poezio, sed ekde la sesa jarcento, oni komencis verki poezion en la japana. Tian poezion ni nomu "ŭakao". Ĝi estis plejparte esprimo de la japana kortumo. Ni parolas pri mil jaroj de literatura historio, do ne eblas koncize resumi ĝin. Sed ĝi naskis la formojn kiujn ni konas hodiaŭ en unuoj de 5-7-5 kaj 7-7 silaboj.

La trajtoj de la japana kortuma poezio estis esprimi fortajn emociojn kun beleco kaj eleganteco. Temas pri la alt-ranguloj en la socio kiuj konkurencis unu la alian por montri siajn kulturan kaj literaturan scion. Unu maniero esprimi tion estis ligi sian poemon al la aliaj historiaj poemoj: la "kusenvortoj" estis gravaj vortoj kaj esprimoj kiujn oni uzis en antaŭaj konataj poemoj por montri ke via nova poemo iel rilatas aŭ konversacias kun tiu el la pasinteco. Simile, multajn japanajn vortojn oni povas legi divers-maniere: uzi tian vortludon, tiel ke vortoj kaj frazoj havu du aŭ eĉ multoblajn signifojn, estas tre dezirata eco de ŭakao. Esperanto povas esti same, ĉu ne? Ekzemple veter/o, ve/ter/o, vet/er/o.

Jen kelkaj ekzempleroj de fruaj ŭakaoj:

La Man'yoshu (759) estas ne aŭtoro, sed koleto de kolektoj kiu havas poezion de multaj konataj kaj anonimaj aŭtoroj.

Malgraŭ mi vekas
por vidi lunon daŭri
en frua ĉiel'—
mi atendos vin, amat'
aŭ neniun se ne vi.

Jen amo, ĉu ne? Ĉi tiu ŭakao montras virino kiu atendas ŝian amanton. Ĉu devas esti virino? Plej verŝajne ĉar kulture, en tiu epoko, estis virinoj kiuj atendis virojn.

Kiyosuke (1104-1177) provizas priskribon de la nuna malfeliĉa momento por retorika demando:

Se mi pluvivu
ĉu ĉitage memoros
per facila kor'?
Malfacilaj epokoj
nun estas karaj al mi.

Ĉi tiu poemo estis sendita al parenco. Kio estis la problemo? Ni ne scias. Sed la poemo ofertas universalan mesaĝon pri la homa sperto.

Unu el la plej konataj poetoj de ĉi tiu periodo estis Saigjo. Li estis pastro kiu verkis multajn ŭakaojn.

Mi rezignas ke
vizitos ajna amik'
ĉi montvilaĝon.
Kaj sen tiu ĉi solec'
estus terura loĝlok'.

Jen forta emocio. Kaj sendube li havis ege ekran humoron ankaŭ.

El ŭakao, kiu estis plejparte individua stilo, aperis rengao, kiun oni verkis en grupo. Eble eĉ ĉe festo. Imagu kvin aŭ dek homoj kiuj kunvenas por babili (kaj eble trinki sakeon). La plej faman, oni invitu verki la "hokon" -- la unuan 5-7-5 strofon, kiu salutas la gastiganton kaj iel priskribas la ĉirkaŭaĵon. La gastiganto tiam respondas per 7-7 respondon kiu prenas unu ideon de la antaŭa strofo por saluti la gaston. Tiam ĉiuj la aliaj partoprenantoj vice verku 5-7-5 kaj 7-7 strofojn kiuj, same, prenas unu ideon de nur la tuj antaŭa strofo. Kaj oni daŭrigu ĝis atingi 100 strofojn (aŭ ĝis ĉiuj estas tro ebriaj por pluiri). De tiu ĉi hoko devenas hajko, en la 17a jarcento.

Sed hodiaŭ mi volas enkonduki al vi tankaon. La modernigita formo devenas de la lastaj jaroj de la 1800a jarcento (same kiel Esperanto, ĉu ne?) Kaj uzas la formon 5-7-5 7-7 en kiu la supera strofo estas iomete kiel hajko: ĝi priskribas la scenejon. Kaj la 7-7 sekva parto, la suba strofo, havas la homan, emocian, reagon. Eblas, kompreneble, uzi kusenvortojn, dusignifaĵojn, kaj ĉiujn el la aliaj rimedoj de poezio. Oni ne emas rimi en la japana, sed oni ja pripensas la ritmon kaj kiel la sonoj de vortoj povas eĥi unu la alian. Aŭ simili al la sonoj de naturo. Aŭ respondi al famaj antaŭaj poemoj kaj temoj.

Lasu min nun bari al vi la animon kaj legi kelkajn el miaj tankaoj:

Oni foriras,
petaloj al la vento…
neniu restas.
Mi malŝaltas la lampojn,
ridetas en malhelo.

Ĉi tiu temas la sekvojn de "hanamo" aŭ sakura festo ĉe mia domo. La homoj kiuj kunvenis foriras kaj mi restas sole en la malhelo, sed ridetas.

Halti momente
ĉe arbara sanktejo.
Jen kardinalo.
Vere trafaj vestaĵoj
sed banala prediko.

Mia poezio plimalpli ĉiam venas rekte de miaj propraj spertoj: mi preskaŭ neniam simple imagas aferojn. Mi vizitis sanktejon en arbaro kaj tie estis kardinalo kiu kantis. Aŭ blekis, almenaŭ. Birdoj ofte kaptas mian atenton en poezio.

Meznokta silent'
de l' senkompataj steloj
en nigra ĉiel'.
Sendorme mi kalkulas
la koran benon de pac'.

La nokta ĉielo estis tre ofta poezia temo, sed nuntempe oni malofte rigardas ĝin. Tiu ĉi sendube temas la bildojn kaj raportojn de la senfinaj usonaj militoj kiujn ni neeviteble devas spekti.

Tri junulinoj
sidas ĉe mi kaj legas.
Sed mi ne legas.
Miaj okuloj vagas
preter paĝojn de l' libro.

Tiuj, kiuj konas min jam scias ke mi ne ĉiam havas tute decajn pensojn.

La kotaj spuroj
de l' malpura kastoro
trans rivera pad'.
Sed mi tute ne plendas:
ne estas mia domo.

Notu ke mi vere vidis la kotajn spurojn de kastoro dum promeni laŭ rivera pado, kaj tio fakte estis mia emocia reago.

Sopiri akvon.
Aŭ lumon aŭ aeron.
Aŭ Esperanton.
La senvortaj monatoj
premadas la spiriton.

Ĉiu Esperantisto konas la animan pezon kiam vi restas for de Esperantujo tro longe.

Do nun estas via vico: Mi invitas vin verki tankaojn kun mi: uzu la superan frazon por priskribi kaj la suban frazon por reagi. Kaj vi ricevos kromajn poentojn por uzi kusenvortojn aŭ trafajn dusignifaĵojn.

Estas multaj dankindaj homoj kiuj subtenas kaj helpas min sed jen du fontoj de kiuj mi lernis multon pri japana poezio. Steven D. CARTER kiu verkis "How to Read a Japanese Poem" kaj Earl MINER por lia libro "An Introduction to Court Poetry".

Mi ankaŭ volas danki al YOSHIDA Hiroshi la konata artisto kies presaĵojn mi uzis por la fondo de miaj diapozitivoj. Kaj Feorag NicBhríde kiu desegnis la literfonton "Chapbook".

Seven Years After

I had not noticed that the US Landa Kongreso de Esperanto was going to be in Boston until I received an invitation from Benson Smith in February to speak or lead a workshop "about haiku or something". Being busy, I only gave it a moment's thought, replied to say "sure," and marked it in my calendar. I've found that trying to teach haiku is actually difficult and that it's much easier for beginners to write tanka. And I had read something around that talked about tanka as being about "love, sadness, and strong emotions", so I called my talk "Antaŭ Hajko: Amo, malfeliĉo, kaj tankao" and wrote up a blurb for the program.

In mid May, I began to work up the slides and I posted an announcement or two to invite people to register.

When I agreed to give the talk, I had not realized how busy I would be this summer. And I didn't realize that the lodging would require you to purchase the food service. And that the dorms also forbade alcohol. So, when the time came to register, I declined to purchase lodging and decided to drive over for only the one day of my talk. I arranged to give the talk on Saturday, so I could attend the opening sessions and the banquet (which was also devige included in the cost of the registration).

I hit the road around 5:30am, parked under the Boston common around 7:30, and followed the directions on the website to register at one building before going to the kongresejo around the corner. But there was only the doorman at the building and he had no idea what I was talking about. I called and left a message with the answering service for the organizers. Google helpfully transcribed it for them as

Hi, this is Steve Fuller. I've come for the London Sombrero, but there doesn't seem to be any at 100 Boylston to manage the registrations at this time, and I was just hoping to get here in time for the soul animal. So if you could let me know what to do, I would very much appreciate it. Thanks.

But my message got through and I was directed to the kongresejo where I received my badge and packet of materials, including the actual program with the timing of events.

My talk was at 5pm.

What I had not expected was my emotional reaction to the event.

Almost seven years ago, I resigned as Secretary of Esperanto USA and have basically not attended an E-USA event since. (With the exception of the Sekreta Kongreso where I happened to be close by and we stayed for only 15 minutes or so.) Since then, I've basically not paid any attention to E-USA: I'm not a member, I don't subscribe to the newsletter, and I've only very occasionally looked at the website. I used to occasionally link to the posts I wrote there, but since they took down the old site, there's no longer even that reason to visit.

I had imagined seven years would give me some distance regarding how I felt. But they had not. Feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment were, if not overwhelming, at least a painful distraction during most of the day.

I escaped during lunch: since I didn't have the food service like everyone else. Instead, I went to a nice little chi-chi restaurant nearby, the Explorateur where I got a burger and spent more for a pint of beer than I ever have before. (Tho it was really good beer.) And then I went back for the rest of the sessions.

Finally, I gave my talk to a small, but enthusiastic group. They had, as seems to always happen, scheduled my event at the same time as Humphrey Tonkin (OK -- so this has only happened about three other times). So, not only could he not attend my talk, but other people who might have attended mine probably went to see him instead. Which only made sense: I mean, it's THE Humphrey Tonkin, after all! But it was fine.

There was a one-hour libera tempo before the banquet at 7pm. I schlepped my stuff back to the car, figuring then I wouldn't have to drag it around with me at the banquet. But when I got to the parking garage, I realized that I could just get in my car and drive home. Right then. And so I did. And by 8pm or thereabouts, I was home and drinking a can of Treehouse beer, watching the Cardinals with Lucy. (They lost, but whatever.)

Thank goodness, I hadn't registered for the lodging or I'd have been trapped there for the full three days.

I took some notes during the business meeting thinking I might write a report for Libera Folio. But I recognize now that it probably wouldn't be healthy for me. I can't tell how much would actually be sour grapes, but it would undoubtedly be perceived as sour grapes. So I don't think I'll go there. And I don't think I need to attend an Esperanto-USA event again -- even if I'm invited. I might go to the Universala Kongreso in Montreal next year. And tho the Landa Kongreso will be there, I don't have to attend those sessions.

Visiting New Places

I moved to the Pioneer Valley in 1996. When we first arrived, every weekend was devoted to exploring new places. Two years later, we were looking for houses and we were constantly driving around to different towns and neighborhoods. But little by little we settled into a routine and, with time being limited, I began to elect to go back to places I knew I liked rather than risking something new.

This spring, I realized that there were a bunch of conservation areas in the area that I had never really explored. So I've been intentionally going to new places to see what I might have been missing. So far, I've been to Elf Meadow, Ruth McIntire Preserve, Hawley Bog, Plum Brook, Larch Hill, Stanley Park, and others.

So far, it's been an interesting exercise, but I haven't found any place that competes with the favorite places I like. I'm actually cheating a bit by putting Stanley Park on the list because I have been there before, but I'm exploring new parts of the park that I didn't know existed before. Some of the places have turned out to be pretty much just weeds and sticks (e.g. Plum Brook). I get tired of weeds and sticks pretty quickly. So yesterday, I visited an old favorite, the Peace Pagoda.

It was as great as I remembered.


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