Fitbit Ace

I was interested when I saw the press-release about the "FitBit™ Ace" that was so unabashedly paternalistic. Like, in a "Fathers Know Best" kind of way.

[…] it’s designed to get kids active while helping parents keep an eye on how much activity their child is getting. […] an activity tracker is a great way to gamify activity for kids and help parents monitor how much time their child spends moving around versus sitting around.

Here's another great idea: the FitBit™ Chattel Monitoring Collar. Not just for children: use it for all of your chattels! Why stop at monitoring their activity? Monitor also their location! And include a mic to record all of their conversations and other sounds in their environment. Maybe also a camera! And link it to all of their devices, so you can record and monitor everything that's visible on all of the screens in their vicinity.

Maybe also pair with their wristband and an AI that can detect the movements associated with masturbation so you can sound a klaxon.

Don't even get me started with the potential for "gamifying" it.